JANE. 3.5 years old!

Blog World! Hello! How can you ever forgive me?

Let's dive right in.

I don't think Jane quite understands what a TV is and what a TV is not. For example, while "dancing" along to her Baby Ballet DVD she said about the other little girls, "They are my friends. They're not coming to my house. Because they have to stay in the TV. Because that's their house." Another day Jane asked me if Sid from Sid the Science Kid is her friend. I said, "Well, Sid is just a pretend kid. He's just a drawing on TV." She replied, "But he talks." I said, "Yeah, but look at him, look at his hair, and his face, does that look like a real person?" She looked at him and said, "His skin needs to be white-pink." As if Sid's orange coloring is the only thing keeping him from looking like a real person.

Sometimes when Jane takes a nap, or tries to take a nap, she will come out before falling asleep and say, "My eyes won't work." She means her eyes won't stay closed even though she tried to make them. What's really great is when after she's slept for an hour and a half she comes out and says, "My eyes won't work. Can I get up now?" I really think she doesn't realize she fell asleep.

One day I could smell that Jack had a dirty diaper. I said, "You smell poopy." Jane got up started running towards his changing table and exclaimed, "Yay! Let's come see his poop!"

As the sun was setting it was shining directly onto the white shed. Jane looked out the window and said, "Oh, the light works outside now!" I told her it was the sun and she said, "Oh, it's blazing on it!"

When Jane draws a house she always pretends to take something with her hand and put it inside the house. And she always puts in "Mommy." "Daddy." "Jane." "Jack." "Doggy." "Doggy." "Doggy." She wants a pet so badly.

Whether it's different sized strawberries or different sized crayons, big ones are always a mommy or a daddy. The littlest ones are always Jacks and the middle sized ones are always Janes.

Jane told me about a few funny dreams this month. But I only wrote down one, darnit. She told me that she dreamt I had turned little on a plane and she had to ask some other moms to help me turn back into bigger.


Jane was spinning around and got dizzy. She laid on the floor and said, "Dizzy is when you lay down and the house keeps moving."

Jane likes to pray preemptively. She always says things like, "Thank you for mommy's back to get better. Thank you for Daddy to come home safe. Thank you for our food to be good for our bodies." One time she said, "Thank you for Mommy to be safe in our house. Thank you for Daddy to be safe in our house. Thank you for Jack to be safe in our house. Thank you for Jane to be safe in our house." I thought maybe she got kind of confused with the "Bless Daddy to come home safe" line. So after the prayer I asked, "You want us to be safe in our house?" She said, "Yeah, because the doors are locked, because bad people don't have keys."

One time I had to explain to Jane not to do something. I told her, "Those are the rules." She said, "The rules don't make any sense."

Jane gets to watch a TV show before her nap. Lately she likes to clarify, "My brain won't blow up if I watch it?" Another time, she asked Matt, "You want to see Goofy's Bird and you can see the big burp when I watch it again and my brain will pop?" (the big burp being a cartoon guy burping for a couple seconds before the recording of Mickey Mouse starts).


This past month we've had a few snowy mornings. Jane would look outside and say something so funny. One time she said in a shocked voice, "WHAT?!! I thought it was Spring!" Another time she said, "Gosh! What happened? What happened to Spring? It snows all the time!"

Matt sometimes does this thing where he says to Jack, "Oh, hi, I met you in American Fork, right?" Jane was getting annoyed and finally said, "If you say American Fork one more time you will be in so much trouble."

Matt: Hey Jane you're super cute.
Jane: No, cause I'm Rosetta.
Matt: Rose, you're super cute.
Jane: No, Rosetta's pretty.
Matt: Rose, you're super pretty.
Jane: I know I am.

Jane was playing with her cousin and was saying really loud and squealy, "Woo Woo Woo!" Paris said, "Jane, stop saying that it hurts my ears." Jane said, "It hurts my ears too."

One time Jane gave Jack a hug and said, "I love my little brother but sometimes I hit him and pour water on him."

Matt showed her a picture he took of her on his camera. He said, "Is that cute?" She said, "No, I didn't look cute and smile. Try again."

Matt and Jane went to get ice cream together. She was having a great time and laughed about something. Then she stopped and said pensively, "I'm a little bit sad." Matt asked, "Why are you sad?" Jane said, "I don't know what I'm sad about." Then they noticed a melancholy Neil Young song was playing in the ice cream shop and they decided that had affected the mood.

One day while I was nursing Jack she told me I was like a mermaid. She likes to go around holding her shirt up to show her belly and say she's a mermaid. For some reason, if Jack is fussy, she likes to think that showing him her belly and saying, "Look I'm a mermaid" will calm him down.

We're still going strong around here with "pretending." Somehow, no matter how many times she changes who is who she can remember exactly and correct you if you happen to call someone by their actual name. Usually we are a combination of fairies, or she'll be Cinderella, I'm step-mother, Matt is Prince, and Jack is Gus-gus. After she told me I was step mother I asked her if she would scrub out the bathtub. She put her hand up and said, "Stop! You have to be a NICE step-mother!" When she get hurts, though, she doesn't like to keep pretending. One day she was "Erica". She got hurt and said through her tears, "I turned into Jane." Jane's Aunt Julie gave her a beautiful blue dress. When I showed it to her the morning she got to wear it she asked who gave it to her and then said excitedly, "Julie is fairy godmother!" Later she told me she wished Julie had given it to her with a wand instead of with her hands. If she wants to pretend to be something else, besides a fairy or a princess she will usually say she is "Cinderella pretending to be ______." One day she was Cinderella pretending to be Candis. Another day after watching something about a super hero she said, "Today I'm Super Cinderella."


Here's a heart melter. Jane said to Matt, "When I get bigger we will still be best friends?" Matt nodded his head and she said, "People get bigger and still be best friends."

Okay, now, here is an important rule. Anyone born in the year 1960 and before cannot continue reading. You see, people born back then were raised with a bit more decorum. The following things might be perceived as distasteful if you haven't been slowly desensitized by society into thinking these things are quite funny. So, 49 and younger, enjoy:

I'll just say it. Jane has a fascination with boobs.

One day while Jane was pretending to be Rosetta, a fairy, she said, "Rosetta needs boobs." Matt asked, "Really? Why's that?" She said, "I have just nipples." Another day she said, "I need boobs. Rosetta has boobs." and proceeded to check herself out in the mirror.

On another occasion she made up a song that went like this, "Little girls have just nipples, like big boys."

Another time Matt walked into her room and thought he heard her chanting, "Boobs, boobs, boobs." A minute later while giving her her vitamins Matt asked, "What were you saying buddy?" She said, "I was saying boobs."

I asked Jane to ask Matt if Jack was hungry. She walked in and said, "Does baby Terrence need to drink milk from Iridessa's boobs?"

One time Jane was standing in front of the mirror, put cupped hands on her chest and said, "Pretend to be a baby and drink milk from Cinderella's boobs." I said, "I don't want to pretend that, silly." So she went ahead and cried like a baby and pretended herself.