An Old Journal

I have been browsing an old journal today. It covered January 2004-October 2006. I wrote very sporadically and only about 1/5 of the book was filled with writing. What I did write has been so fun to read! It mainly covers when Matt and I were newlyweds living in Miami. I just have to share. If anyone reads this entire thing I will send you a box of chocolates for Valentines Day. (that is a lie).

I remembered that Matt had nicknamed my engagement ring "Toby."

When Matt and I were dating/engaged he struggled a bit with feeling "blue", and during those times would really worry that marrying each other was the wrong idea. I knew he was wrong, but it was still never fun to hear. One night, shortly after getting engaged we were talking about the first time we met. Matt said, "I remember exactly how that felt. And I remember how I felt when I was driving through Nevada to come see you. And I remember that I cried when I found a job in Provo." Then he said, "Ella, I forget a lot of things sometimes, but I know that you're the girl for me as much as I know that Heavenly Father is Heavenly Father." Awww, so sweet. That meant so much to me. Yet, I had completely forgotten about it until reading it.

I remembered that Matt had a knife that we called "Old Cutty" and we had a certain, ridiculous face we would make when we said it.

I realized I still worry about the same things I was worrying about 5 years ago.--pray more, read scriptures more, share the gospel more, don't get stressed out, enjoy life. It's a shame I haven't gotten better at any.

I remembered how busy I felt while working, taking classes, tutoring, and being Young Women's President. I WAS busy!

I took note that I wanted ice cream sandwiches to become a 4th of July tradition.

I remembered how Hurricane Dennis ruined all of our plans when my mom was visiting.

When my mom was visiting, a lady in the ward told her, "They're such a cute couple. We love having them in the ward." A week before that the Bishop had told me that he loves watching Matt and I interact. He said that we're both so "unique" and that he's surprised we both found each other. Why is it that the word unique is always hard to take as a compliment? :)

I remembered that I was obsessed with Law and Order back in the day.

In one entry I had just gotten a letter from a BYU roommate, Kate. I said, "I got a letter from Kate today. I'd been waiting for it. She's such a good friend. We laugh just at the sight of each other." It's true. I remember that. I think that adulthood and motherhood has made us a little slower to laughing though. It may take a few minutes now.

Some pages I wrote prompts--things I would write about later. One of them said, "Alligator story with Mom and Matt." I REALLY wish I remembered that story. Do you remember it, Mom? Matt?

I remembered that Matt and I spent 2 days straight reading Harry Potter (book 5 or 6?) OUTLOUD to each other. I confessed it was almost unbearably slow, but that I really did enjoy the time with Matt.

I remembered that after hearing Jane's heartbeat for the first time Matt asked me if I got emotional. I said, "No! Why? Did it look like it?" Matt said no, but that he had started to get choked up.

I remembered that Matt called our baby "little slimer" before finding out the gender.

I remembered that for 6-7 weeks we called our baby "Sophie" all the time. Then out of the blue Matt announced he didn't like the name anymore. We settled on Jane at 26 weeks.

I remembered how proud Matt was to show me and "Sophia" off at the University of Miami film festival. He introduced both of us to everyone.

I remembered that after the ultrasound he was being funny and saying funny things to our daughter. Then he got more serious, put his hand on my belly and said, "I love her."

One of his first concerns about our daughter that Matt ever shared with me was that he wanted her to be nice to everyone. The concern I wrote was, "I started thinking about the things I hope for her in her life and overwhelmingly I hoped that she would find a husband that she loves as much as I love Matt." Man, I love that guy!

My last entry was 4 days before Jane was born. I guess motherhood changes things.

Overall I have realized that what you think you'll remember, you don't! And that no matter what weird detail you decide to jot down, you'll be glad that you did!